I’ve been making a list of books (that I’ve read or others have recommended) that speak of ASD and neurodiverse relationships in a positive light and that offer practical, useful strategies for learning to communicate and navigate these wonderfully unique relationships better.
If you have a book (or other resource, as I’ll be adding websites, podcasts, videos, etc) to recommend, please email me at: email@example.com. Please note that this is a list of resources for strategies to improve on BOTH partners end, and nothing that suggests the allistic (not-autistic) or NT partner “grieve.” This is stupid advice and will only cause you to give up on your relationship and view your partner through a negative lens.
Note: none of this is sponsored nor do I get referrals. The sole purpose of this site is to educate and create community. Links are ONLY to make it easy for you to quickly view items online, and I get absolutely no kickbacks or payment for referrals.
Also note, several titles have “Aspergers” in the title. It’s no longer called Aspergers but Autism Spectrum Disorder or some call it just autism. You may also see High Functioning Autism used, but this is a problematic label that should not be used.
Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome by Eva A. Mendes.
The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Atwood: I hesitated to include this one, but it’s a good start for educational purposes, if you like reading science-y type books.
The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome by Maxine Aston: really simple and straightforward, written specifically for the allistic (non-ASD) partner. The writing isn’t the most engaging, but it’s brief and to the point.
Not Your Typical Guy: Loving a Spouse with Autism by Maureen McCarthy Bartlett is on my shelf , but I haven’t read it yet (just skimmed through to see what the tone is). The back blurb says that it’s a “delightfully touching, glass-WAY-more-than-half-full account of a true partnership.” Again, not the sharpest writing, but all I look for is that it’s it’s a positive story by someone who LIKES their ASD partner.
I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults by Cynthia Kim is written by an autistic woman who had a great blog that I still refer to. I got this for my husband to prep for diagnosis, but I found it useful.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch: this is the first book my husband read when we realized he has ASD (before official diagnosis). It resonated with him really hard and left no doubt that he had ASD. It’s a story about coming to this diagnosis as an adult, but it’s a beautiful, moving story about marriage. I cannot say enough good things about this book.