Hi. My name is Nikki. I have ADHD, my son has ADHD, and my husband has Autism Spectrum Disorder. We are all also neurologically gifted (which is a “disorder” in and of itself!
When I realized my husband was on the spectrum (he’s since been formally diagnosed), I was terrified. I looked for resources and input, and 99% of what I found was negative and damaging. I found places where people wanted to talk about how miserable their lives were living with someone like my husband or myself, and insisting you could never be happy in these partnerships. I had been hopeful, excited to finally understand my husband and myself, and fascinated with how our brains work. After reading all the negativity, I noticed I’d become despondent, feel depressed, and change how I interacted with my husband.
I am frustrated with the lack of resources for people who want to learn how to navigate their partnerships with people with ADHD, autism, etc, and having nowhere to commiserate in a healthy, positive way while also working to dispel the harmful, outdated myths and stereotypes.
I am building a new site, a new community, for people who want something different. This community will focus on strategies, understanding, acceptance, and learning, while offering support and strategies to those who believe their lives can be better and even FULFILLING not in spite of but because they have a neurodivergent person in their lives or are, themselves, neurodivergent.
This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about feeling frustrated or having moments of hopelessness. This community will be supportive of taking control and responsibility for your own behaaviors, emotions, and actions. We can talk about feeling down. We can talk about being angry. But we CANNOT BLAME OUR PARTNERS or be cruel about neurodivergence.
Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD, I’ve experienced firsthand how damaging the neurotypical world’s misunderstand can be. I’ve had enough. I believe in advocacy and change.
If you’re interested in being a part of this community or in helping me build it, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or use the form below to be put on the mailing list to know when it’s up and running.
A brief list of what I envision for this site and forum:
- The ability to post anonymously for those who are not comfortable sharing personal info online
- Moderated Forums that have clear labeling for topics, and you only ever need to see posts from the forums you choose
- Resources and support links, book reviews, etc
- A written “blog” where people can choose to write stories about their journeys, their experiences, etc. (This can be done anonymously if desired.)
- You can visit the site to read and post directly in a browser, or choose to get emails and digests for the forums you choose or responses to your posts only
- A safe and welcoming place for both NTs who have ND partners, as well as ND partners themselves in order to share experiencs, talk things through, get advice and recommendations
- You can talk about your feelings! You can talk about being angry or frustrated. But you cannot blame, make sweeping generalizations, make declarations about how you can never be happy or satisfied in ND relationships.
- Connect, make friends, private message each other
Once it’s up, I’ll put out a call for moderators to help with various forums, contributors, etc. I envision this as a community that also shares stories of progress and learning from neurodivergents and their partners. All names and addresses of people who want to be on the list will be kept confidential. It’s your choice what to share, to be anonymous or not, and how you want to be involved.
I would like this to be a collaborative effort, so please also feel free to offer suggestions and advice. We are in this together.
Stay tuned, and thank you. Sincerely, Nikki.